Wish

from by Night Loner

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lyrics

I wish somebody would say my name
Just so I know they remembered me
I wish I could be part of something
Something that I could be proud of
I wish I knew what it felt like
To care for anything at all
I wish I was anywhere
But where I am right now
I wish I had a different life
But I’d know I’d die there too
I wish I could make you feel
As bad as I feel
I wish that I had the nerve
To pull the fucking trigger
But instead I’ll lie awake in bed
And do absolutely nothing at all

I wish I could break the walls
That surrounds my happiness
I wish people would stop and stare
Just so life wouldn’t be such a bore
I wish there was a single good thing
That was only for me
I wish the world only had white
So my black could be unique
I wish all the flowers would die
So the bleakness would bleed through
I wish that a bottomless pit
Would open up and swallow me whole
I wish I could beat the world
Just like it has beaten me
But instead I kill myself
With my anger and my fear

I wish I knew what to do
After my family grows old and dies
I wish I could control myself
From destroying every aspect of my life
I wish you could see my pain
Or if you could just look at me
I wish I could see something
Other than reflections of my hate
I wish I didn’t wake up
Every morning with myself
I wish I had a different life
But I’d know I’d cry there too
I wish I had a path
That didn’t lead me to loneliness
But I know I’ll die alone
And that is probably better for you

I wish I was a better person
I wish I was a better friend
I wish people would like me
I wish women would love me
I wish I could just go in the desert and die
I wish I was a better son
I wish I didn’t shit on every opportunity I got
I wish I didn’t fucking hate everything

credits

from s​/​t, released September 27, 2016

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